Why I don't wear a bikini

One day, I walked up to my grandfather and sat next to him. He was a kind, gentle man suffering from Alzheimer’s. I asked a question that I’m sure has crossed everyone’s mind at some point: “Grandpa, who created God?”

He smiled and patted my hair with his frail hand, replying, “God created us, and no one creates the Creator.”

I didn’t understand his answer because I was only seven years old at the time. Years passed, my kind grandfather passed away, and the question lingered within me. When I was in my second year of highschool, I decided to ask my religion teacher the same question. In response, he scolded me, accused me of atheism, and banned me from recess for the entire day.

My time in high school coincided with the widespread popularity of cassette tapes of new Islamic preachers. They were stylishly dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and spoke in a tone that attracted teenagers and young adults. Among the most prominent was Amr Khaled. He frequently went on and on about the hijab to the point where it seemed he would even try to convince statues to wear them.

My time in high school coincided with the widespread popularity of cassette tapes of new Islamic preachers. They were stylishly dressed in jeans and t-shirts and spoke in a tone that attracted teenagers and young adults. Among the most prominent was Amr Khaled. He frequently went on and on about the hijab, to the point where it seemed he would even try to convince statues to wear them. I was influenced by this religious frenzy. I found my father in his room and told him I wanted to wear the hijab.

My father smiled and told me that I was still young, that my decisions were hasty and not final, and that it would be better not to wear it now to avoid regretting it and taking it off in the future. At that moment, I agreed with my father. It was only when years passed and I was in my early twenties, that I reconsidered the hijab.

During this period, the hijab had become increasingly accepted to the point that it even began to appear in movies and music videos. Scarved heroines and protagonists started to star on television, and my friends started joining this "family" one by one. I wanted to imitate them and be one of them. So, I approached my father again and revisited the conversation. This time he said it was my personal decision.

Ultimately, I wore the hijab and continued to do so for many years until I decided to take it off. I then went to my father and told him my decision. I asked if it would upset him. He said that the hijab is not a clear-cut symbol of chastity, that modesty is a state of mind more than something represented by a person’s attire, and that he would not impose anything on me because he trusts me and my choices.

I recount these simple stories to say that I was never forced, nor did anyone pressure me to wear or remove the hijab. I wore the hijab when I wanted to. I am fortunate to have a father who does not use scolding, controlling, or commanding language. I remembered all of this a few days ago when I had a long conversation with a friend who asked me, "Why do you wear a burkini and not a bikini even though you’re not veiled?"

I recount these simple stories to say that I was never forced, nor did anyone pressure me to wear or remove the hijab. I wore the hijab when I wanted to. I am fortunate to have a father who does not use scolding, controlling, or commanding language. I remembered all of this a few days ago when I had a long conversation with a friend who asked, "Why do you wear a burkini and not a bikini even though you’re not veiled?"

One might think the answer to this question is simple, and that it would come neatly packaged, like eggs in a basket: if you are not veiled, you do everything society disapproves of. But the answer is far from simple and requires a lot of explanation.

My brief response was that I do not wear a bikini simply because I don’t feel comfortable in it. I believe that no one has the right to see my body unless I choose to show it, and it is a matter of personal freedom. That is how I find my freedom and comfort. If someone wants to wear a bikini, they should, and if someone prefers a burkini, that’s fine too. Each person is entirely free in their choices, and one decision does not have to lead to another.

I don’t wear a bikini simply because I don’t feel comfortable in it. I believe that no one has the right to see my body unless I choose to show it. It is a matter of personal freedom. That is how I find my freedom and comfort.

She responded with a tone of disbelief and asked sarcastically, “Are you not from here or something”? then added, “We all want to wear bikinis, but we can’t because our parents or husbands refuse, or because we fear societal judgment. If the opportunity arises, every woman in Egypt would dress as she pleases.”

In truth, I don’t entirely disagree with what she said. She is partly right. If given the chance without the usual consequences, many women in Egypt would break free from what holds them back. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean they would “wear a bikini.” Eastern societies, with their customs and restrictions, dictate how women should dress, the style they should adopt, and even the times they can go out and return. Many women suffer under the scrutiny of societal “watchdogs” and “guardians,” often embodied in family members, husbands, older brothers, and even gossip.

I oppose generalizations. Many women, including myself, have never felt such oppression that would drive them to wear a bikini or anything else given the chance. This is because my father, though an Eastern man, was very wise in dealing with his daughter at all stages of life. He protected me and taught me to protect myself, shared his views without imposing them, and allowed me to make decisions for which I would be responsible.

However, I oppose generalizations. Many women, including myself, have never felt such oppression that would drive them to wear a bikini or anything else if given the chance. This is because my father, though an Eastern man, was very wise in dealing with his daughter at all stages of life. He protected me and taught me to protect myself, shared his views without imposing them, and allowed me to make decisions for which I would be responsible.

This is exactly how I felt when my friend asked why I don’t wear a bikini. It’s my conviction that my body is mine alone, without any suppression or imposition from my father or anyone else, and without fear of society. I don’t care about what people say—something my father instilled in me from a young age. He taught me to act according to my convictions without worrying about others’ opinions.

So, I can confidently say that even though I am not veiled, I wear a burkini out of personal conviction. This is what I want and what makes me feel confident and free. This choice is mine and mine alone.

I may be luckier than others who grew up under various forms of oppression. I know some women wait for the chance to exercise the freedom they were denied. I have friends who married specifically to escape their families’ dominance and strict rules. My close relationship with my father gave me with enough satisfaction in my freedom that I never felt the need to do anything against my beliefs just to feel free.

So, I can confidently say that even though I am not veiled, I wear a burkini out of personal conviction. This is what I want and what makes me feel confident and free. This choice is mine and mine alone.

* The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Raseef22